Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Adam Everett: Horrible Person

How dare you, Adam?

I know powerful people. I know seedy people. In fact, I AM a seedy person. With the exception of putting up Brandon Inge-like numbers at the plate or Nate Robertson-like numbers on the mound, there is only one thing...ONE THING...a Detroit Tigers player can do to turn me against them.

You do NOT take the number 4 as your uniform number.

Bobby Higginson, for reasons that make little to no sense, is my favorite baseball player of all time. No, I am not a teenage girl. But Bobby was my guy, for better or worse. You do not take his number...you never know. He might want to come back.

Look what happened to Cameron Maybin. He took #4. I placed some sort of weird voodoo curse on him and he got shipped off to Florida. Adam, you have injury problems...why would you bring this upon yourself?

There may still be time. Get another number. Tell them it was a mistake. I will take back my initial support of your signing and have you sent to Mongolia in a pine box...or worse...Pittsburgh.

Mr. Ilitch are I are old friends. Remember...you brought this on yourself.

Then again, if you hit .330 and win a Gold Glove, it's all good. And when that happens, Bondo will have the best changeup in the league, pigs will fly, and Rodney will wear his hat straight.

2 comments:

Ian C. said...

See, I never liked that Higginson took Tony Phillips's number...

-s said...

If Rodney wears his hat straight I will come out of the closet.

Wait...what?

-s