Wednesday, December 29, 2010
First off, RIP Bill LaJoie. Thanks for 1984.
After that…wow. Could this off-season be any more boring right now? Nothing much going on with the team. The Freep hasn’t written anything horrible for me to make fun of. Gerald Laird isn’t around anymore to get into fights at basketball games.
So, for my last post of 2010, I’m going to go through the Tigers current 40 Man Roster and rank them in my order of preference. I haven’t done this since May 21st, so it might be interesting to see what kind of changes have been made to the team and my bandwagoning of certain players.
Or not. But eat me, I’m out of ideas again until the New Year. So here you go. Your Detroit Tigers listed in order of my preference and where they ranked last time. “NR” stands for “not ranked” if you weren’t able to figure that out on your own. Dummy.
So, click for further brilliant insight, okay?
1. (1) Magglio Ordonez
It could come out that Maggs was behind the 9/11 attacks and he’d still be on my Mount Rushmore of Tiger favorites. So happy he’s back for another year.
2. (2) Justin Verlander
Still the best stare in baseball. It haunts my dreams.
3. (3) Miguel Cabrera
Seriously, kids. Appreciate him while he’s in his prime. Quit drooling over Inge and Rhymes and realize you have a once in a lifetime talent on your baseball team.
4. (4) Austin Jackson
Curtis Granderson blows goats.
5. (15) Max Scherzer
At first, he was fun because of his crazy eyes. Now he’s fun because he’s an awesome pitcher. And he has CRAZY EYES!
6. (13) Phil Coke
Who knew how entertaining this dude was going to be after the Grandy deal? My gawd, he should have his own TV show on FSN.
7. (7) Rick Porcello
I still like Kid Rick. I think this is going to be his breakthrough year. That or he becomes Bondo, Version 2.0.
8. (8) Ryan Perry
Seriously…how can we have this guy with the best tattoos in baseball on the same team with Inge, who has the worst tattoos in baseball?
9. (9) Jose Valverde
Fat people dancing will always be entertaining. Plus he’s the best closer we’ve had since Willie Hernandez in ’84.
10. (6) Joel Zumaya
You’re falling down my list, Joel. 2011 is going to determine the rest of Zoom’s life, methinks.
11. (NR) Victor Martinez
If he hits like he did in Cleveland and Boston, I’m pretty sure V-Mart might be near the top of this list later in the year.
12. (11) Ryan Raburn
Remember to take a drink every time you see him with his tongue hanging out during a game. You’ll pass out by the 6th inning.
13. (NR) Jhonny Peralta
Play average defense for us, Jhon. That’s all I ask. Oh, and .265, 20, 75. That isn’t too much to ask, is it?
14. (10) Ramon Santiago
Ahh, Little Ramon. He still looks like he’s 19. I love that.
15. (12) Brennan Boesch
I dunno about this kid. Is he that good or that bad? We’ll see.
16. (23) Jacob Turner
He’s the future, I guess. Gotta support him and hope he lives up to the hype.
17. (24) Brandon Inge
Special Little Guy makes the list seven spots higher than last time. I must really hate this team.
18. (NR) Joaquin Benoit
Will move up quickly if he pitches like he did in Tampa. Will start heading down quickly if he pitches like he did in Texas.
19. (16) Carlos Guillen
I feel sad putting Carlos this low on the list. But dude…stay healthy or retire. His contract is the last remaining albatross of the bad Dombrowski deals. (not counting Sheff’s remaining cash)
20. (25) Daniel Schlereth
Love his fastball. Hate his dad.
21. (32) Casper Wells
Kid can hit…but he looks like a date rapist. I’m not going to be buying his jersey any time soon.
22. (27) Scott Sizemore
I hope he lives up to his 2010 hype this year. Kid has pop in his bat…and a hole in his glove.
23. (26) Ryan Strieby
Might be the DH of the future…or trade bait. Or Mike Hessman. I dunno.
24. (19) Alex Avila
I still think he sucks.
25. (NR) Andy Oliver
The other “untouchable” prospect with Turner was crappy in the D last year. Hopefully another year in the minors will help him impove.
26. (NR) Robbie Weinhardt
Was a decent surprise in the pen last year. That’s not saying much, though.
27. (NR) Will Rhymes
Twenty-seven is also how many inches above the floor that Will’s belt buckle is when he’s standing.
28. (35) Danny Worth
Worthless at the plate.
29. (29) Armando Galarraga
Proof that nice guys don’t finish last. They finish 29th.
30. (NR) Charlie Furbush
A 6’5 lefty named Charlie. I can get behind that.
31. (34) Brad Thomas
Stupid kangaroo f-cker. Get him off my team.
32. (NR) Cale Iorg
Remember when DD called this kid the shortstop of the future? Chris Pittaro anyone?
33. (NR) Al Alburquerque
Fun name. Will probably never see the majors.
34. (38) Clete Thomas
Always looks like he’s taking a dump. Hits like sh-t, too.
35. (36) Audy Ciriaco
Will probably be playing in Toledo all year. Guess I’ll finally get an opinion on him now.
36. (NR) Jose Ortega
Never heard of him.
37. (NR) Duane Below
38. (NR) Brayan Villarreal
I just spelled his name wrong three times typing it. I hope I never hear of him again.
39. (NR) Lester Oliveros
Guys named “Lester” are creepy. And I hated Omar Oliveres…too similar.
40. (40) Don Kelly
By my count, that makes 13 guys that were on the 40 Man Roster in May that are gone now. Quickly, name them! Sigh...okay, I will.
5. Johnny Damon: Currently a free agent.
14. Fu-Te Ni: Sucked, was sent to the minors.
17. Adam Everett: Was released shortly after the last list. Signed with Cleveland.
18. Jeremy Bonderman: Currently a free agent.
20. Bobby Seay: May be dead.
21. Dontrelle Willis: Many wish he was dead.
22. Eddie Bonine: Signed with Philadelphia as a free agent. Phew. Good.
28. Zach Miner: Missed 2010 season after Tommy John season.
30. Gerald Laird: He's the Cardinals' problem now.
31. Wilkin Ramirez: Was traded to Atlanta for a player to be named later. Did we ever get one?
33. Jay Sborz: Also in the Braves system somewhere.
37. Brent Dlugach: In the Red Sox minor league system.
39. Alfredo Figaro: Was so bad, he was sold to Japan.
Things can change quickly, no?
Happy New Year, kids. Don't get arrested.