Sunday, January 9, 2011

Let's LynnChat, Shall We?

Lynn Henning of the Detroit News took part in one of his chats on Friday, 1/9/11. Here are some highlights. By “highlights”, I meant the stuff I felt like making fun of. The entire chat can be found here. Any typos are those of Lynn or his genius guests.

Steve: Lynn, what are the chances the Tigers sign (Brad) Penny?

Henning: Not bad.

Lynn apparently works in the front office now. That or he sucks DD’s ass enough to get courtesy texts in exchange for good press. Kinda like Peter King and Brett Favre, I suppose.

Depends how the scouts have graded his arm.

Old? Washed up? More fragile than a newborn’s temple?

He'd be a great addition, 

No he wouldn’t.

not only as depth,

Having a plethora of #5 quality starters is not depth.

but because it would help free up a trade ...

That you won’t elaborate on. How vague.

Rick P: Hi Lynn, 

Porcello?

The Tigers have a surplus of outfielders.

And exactly two of them are good. And one of the two is old and brittle.

Maggs, Jackson, Rayburn, Kelly, Clete, Wells, Boesch. Any thoughts on how this might play out. Thanks

Jesus Tapdancing Christ, people. How hard is it to spell “Raburn”? Every time I see some mouth-breathing, Inge jersey owning, jerkoff spell it “Rayburn”, I want to punch them in the dick. And it will play out like it always does, Rick. RaKellCletWellBoesch will be mediocre, occasionally do something nice, and will each have their own section of annoying fanboys demanding that they get more playing time. Of course, I keep the hope that Kelly will eventually die of superAIDS. I’m sorry, I’m hijacking Lynn’s chat here.

Henning: Great question,

No it wasn’t.

and it plays into thoughts that Dave Dombrowski will yet make a trade, either before spring camp, or before Opening Day.
 
You’ve been saying that for some time.

I've thought that for some time.

I know.

A package deal, involving at least one of those names and a pitcher, could gain a bat for left field or second base.

Giving up on Sizemore already? That didn’t take long.  And indeed...with all these outfielders, we need another one.  Grrr...

I'm very open-minded on that particular point. I think it could happen.

Examples? Didn’t think so.

More after the jump...




Kevin: Does Raburn start the year in LF? I have a feeling they are going to move him to the National League for value and have anoter plan for LF.

Holy crap. Kevin has a feeling. Stop the presses. At least he spelled Ryan’s name right.

Henning: Agree with Kevin ... Raburn would be prime-time material as part of a package for, again, a left-fielder or a second baseman. I really believe Dombrowski wants to add one more certifiably potent bat. And he needs to.

No. The lineup’s fine. Jackson, Guillen, Ordonez, Cabrera, Martinez, Raburn, Peralta, Inga, Avila is a good enough lineup…as long as there is good pitching. I like the look of the pen right now, but we only have three starters that we can trust. And that’s assuming Rick P is ready to quit f-cking around. We need starting pitching, not a left fielder or second baseman. And how long are we gonna go through these “Raburn would be good in the NL” talks? Just let the tongue wagging hilljack have some consistent playing time.  And get us a Thames-type hitter to come off the bench.  You know.  Like Marcus Thames.

laus deo: Hi, I believe with the additions of Peralta over Everett and Martinez over Laird the Tigers have a great opportunity to win the central. Your thoughts?

Everett was let go in early June. And VMart’s going to DH most of the time, not replace Laird as starting catcher. Your logic is stupid. I really think these chats would be more fun with me doing them than Lynn, don’t you?  Maybe I could convince someone to jump off of a bridge.

Henning: No question. 

No, it was a BAD question.

It begins with pitching,

Finally. Now let me take a quick drink of this glass of water…

and the Tigers could have the best pitching in the division. 

/spits water all over computer screen

What the f-ck are you talking about?

But you've still got to have some thump, which is why there was such focus on upgrading the order. And I don't believe the upgrades have ceased.

Um…unproven starter Coke, crappy Armando, and shaky Porcello does not have Minnesota and Chicago shaking in their boots. Do you think we’re somehow getting Matt Holliday to play left in return for Raburn and Galarraga?

Gibb: Who do you think wins the 2b job?

Guillen, if healthy. He’s being paid too much not to. Next.

Henning: For now, it's Sizemore -- in my view. 

You have Stevie Wonder’s view, methinks.

People love Rhymes,

I hope Rhymes gets killed in the chocolate factory he works in during the offseason.

but he isn't likely to provide the sock you need there.

“Sock”? At second base? Other than Dan Uggla, which second basemen out there are you counting on for “sock”?  You dick...you made me defend Will Rhymes.

/hangs self

Sizemore can, plus he has a very high career OBP,

In the minors. Which means nothing. Ask Mike Hessman.

which is another consideration. I think it's Sizemore. With Guillen's injuries likely to knock him out of any long-term consideration for the coming season.

Haha…Carlos doesn’t even have the confidence of DD’s yes-man.

Guest: do the tigs have a hot prospect that isnt a pitcher?

Real fan, there.

Henning: Yeah, most of them young: Avisail Garcia, Daniel Fields, and the great-looking third baseman at Lakeland,

Whose name Lynn apparently doesn’t know. Sorry, Nick.

among others. You'll be hearing lots about these guys. We're going to be doing our Top 50 Tigers prospects in a week or two. Stay tuned.

That’ll be depressing.  Castellanos, Turner, Oliver, and a bunch of kids that probably won't ever see the majors.  Seriously, how much longer do I have to wait for Kenny Baugh and Kyle Sleeth?

Greg: Why won't Brandon Inge hit to right field ? 

Because he’s f-cking terrible at hitting, Greg.

It was game 81 before his first opposite field hit in 2010.

No sh-t?  That's funny.

Henning: Agreed,

With what? He asked you a question.

if he could manage to stop pulling the ball he'd hit close to .300. 

/facepalm

You've gotta be fist f-cking me, Lynn.

He's too good of an athlete.

Mike Vick, Mia Hamm, and Michael Phelps: all good athletes. Take it from Lynn, that’s all it takes to hit .300 in the big leagues.  Can Mia play left field?

He can do what he did during the first half of 2009 if his knees cooperate. And they should.

If he could do what he did over that three month stretch two years ago instead of what he’s done the rest of his 10 year carreer, he’d be great.

Steve: What kind of offensive numbers do you think we'll see from Inge this year?

Gee, Steve. What do you think? Take a look here. He’s going to suck. You know why? Because he f-cking sucks at hitting a baseball. I kinda feel bad for Lynn right now. He’s holding court with all of the Inge trolls. That’s not gonna stop me though…

Henning: Back to the previous question: If he does what he managed to do, mechanically, in the first half of 2009, you have a very decent offensive player there. But that's the if.

Just say it! Brandon Inge can’t hit a baseball! He had a good couple months once! Say it, you pole-smoking sonofabitch! SAY IT!

Russ: You think now with Galaragga having alot of woes think he be deault and sign Brad Penny to 1 year deal

Now that Galarraga looks like crap, you think we’ll trade him? Also, I think that “alot” and “deault” are words.  You think think?  Have some self respect, Russ.

/ignores own many typos

Henning: Yes, mentioned that earlier. I've thought since last season that Galarraga was prime trade bait. Still do.

He sucks. Had one great game in the past three years. “PRIME” trade bait. Let’s ask for Farnsworth!

Kevin: I love Inge

Sigh…

but In my opinion, the only way the Tigers win is with him as the #9 hitter. Too many K's and too many LOB

But he loves him anyway.  I hate Tiger fans.

but as a #9 who can hit 15 HR's....ot bad.

“Ot” bad at all. Inge’s fans are illiterate, as well as delusional.

Every projected order has Inge 7th....am I crazy here?

Yes. I have him 8th, ahead of Avila. Start reading good sites like mine, Kevin. You dolt.

Henning: Inge hit 27 home runs in the nine-spot in 2006. He had 21 in the first half of 2009. That's pretty good production if he can duplicate it, which, frankly, he should be able to do.

Even though he didn’t last year.

But it's his defense that is the reason he's on the field, as we know. He saves more games than can be calculated because of his glove, arm, and athleticism.

If only there were some sort of defensive statistic for that. And no, I’m not going to link to it. Let Lynn find it on his own.

Bob: Why do you think that Verlander remains a notch behind the 1/2 dozen elite pitchers and thus rarely wins a 2-1 or 1-0 game?

Well, Bob, an infant with missing eyes could see that JV’s problem is that he’s too often at 90 pitches in the 5th or 6th inning. Sadly, you are dumber than the average blinded infant.

Henning: I wouldn't be surprised, not for a moment, if Verlander wins a Cy Young Award, and it could happen this year.

I wouldn’t be surprised, not for a second, if Henning dodges this question, and says something stupid.

He's about ready to become that first-five pitcher you're talking about. He's pretty much there as it is.

Bingo. And a half-dozen is six, Lynn. Not five. And no, he isn’t there yet. Halladay, Lee, King Felix, Lincecum, Jimenez, Sabathia, Cain, Wainwright, Price, Lester, and others are better than JV is right now. And I love Justin…I’m just a realist.

Gibb: Will Clete Thomas ever reach what he was able to do before his injury troubles the last couple of years?

What? His .240 Avg in 2009? Or his OPS+ of 85? Which one of those was it that made you one of “Clete’s Cult”? Seriously, drown in Lake Michigan you f-ckfaces…

Henning: He could, but he's pretty much a fourth outfielder, even if healthy.

I bet Lynn drinks heavily during these chats. I know I’d have to.

Bob: As currently formulated it seems the key member of the team is Coke because if he does not pan out we are left with 2 very good starters, 1 pretty good and not much else, agree?

Thank you, Bob. We need a starter…badly.

Henning: Not many teams have dead-bolt rotations. Check around. Those 4 and 5 spots tend to be problematic just about everywhere.

Except on teams that win. You know…like San Francisco, Boston, Philly, and New York. Their fans would burn the stadium down if they went into the year with Coke and Galarraga as the 4 and 5 guys. Well, not Giants fans. They still don’t even realize they won the World Series yet.

Bill R: Bonderman ready to swollow his pride and accept a long reliever role with the Tigers?

WTF? Did I miss some story where we wanted Bondo to pitch out of the pen and he said “no”?  We have the dumbest fanbase of any MLB team.

Henning: Has nothing to with swallowing his pride. He has less ego than any pitcher I've ever known.

JEREMY BONDERMAN: BONDO HAVE NO EGO. BONDO ONLY CARE ABOUT FLAPJACKS. GIVE BONDO FLAPJACKS PLEASE.

It's a matter of his arm strength. And if he can regain some of that old power, you have a heck of a 28-year-old pitcher on the rebound.

Based on the fact that in eight years, only 2006 wasn’t a compete abortion? F-ck Bondo with a broken mop handle.

KJ: Very disappointed to hear you say you think Sizemore should win the 2B job. He may have more pop, but in my opinion, Rhymes is another Pedroia minus some power.

He’s SCRAPPY! But without the thing that makes Pedroia good.

Jackson then Rhymes at #1 and #2 before you get to the big boppers....now that is a nice lineup!

Yeah! Look how well it worked last year!

Speedy "pests" at the top set the table or Mags, Miggs, VM.

You should be neutered immediately, KJ. Please die of painful nut cancer.

Henning: Everyone gets their impression of a guy by what he did in his debut. That can be a mistake. Look at their career numbers, where they were drafted, etc., and you generally get the guy's profile. Rhymes is appealing. I doubt he's an everyday second baseman. Sizemore has the better chance there.

Took long enough for us to agree. Apparently, Rhymes, for all of his “OMG HE USES A COMPUTER” fun that you all enjoy, he does NOT answer Mr. Henning’s texts. Ha…

Gregg: Will Don Kelly still be around in 2011?

/begins poking Kelly voodoo doll with hunting knife

Henning: Borderline candidacy there, but he can do so many things that he's a great bet to be their 25th player.

F-ck me. What can he do? Not hit a baseball? Play average defense? Holy sh-t…let ME be the 25th man.

Anyway, that was fun. Maybe we’ll do it again down the road.

1 comment:

Chuck said...

Do they allow anyone with a 50+ IQ to participate in these chats?