Friday, February 18, 2011

More Cabrera-gate: Sharks Smelling Blood

First off, it’s not all bad out there. Props to Brian Packey at SB Nation and Kurt Mensching at BYB for their sensible, well written thoughts on the Miguel Cabrera situation.

Also, my hat is off to my fellow bloggers today.  99% of the pieces I've seen written by members of the Tigersphere have been accurate and fair without jumping to conclusions.  One of you, that I'm not going to mention, needs to get some facts straight before you post them, though.  You get a pass this time.  But consider yourself on notice.  Ha.

Again, my initial piece is here. My first reaction bit to the ridiculous media is here.

Also before beginning, I’d like to shake Jim Leyland’s hand for this comment:

“It has no effect. It might make some dramatic reading material. It’s not going to do sh-t. Believe me. Nothing.”

Jim, we’ve had our differences in the past. But bravo, good sir.

Onto the idiotic articles.



Jon Paul Morosi at Fox Sports:

The Tigers bungled the immediate aftermath of Cabrera’s 2009 episode, allowing him to play the final three games of what became a historic collapse.

Let me get this straight. The Twins were charging like a rhino on angeldust and the Tigers were barely holding onto the lead. You’re saying they should have benched their best player for the final three games for an off-the-field incident? Can you imagine the riots?

And by the way, in Game 163 Cabrera went 2-5 with a homer, a double, and a walk. Yeah…what a piece of sh-t he was. You idiot.

Gabe Zaldivar at Bleacher Report. Yeah, I know. Bleacher Report. But still…

There is one thing that will always be true in sports. If there is trouble, an athlete will find it.

Now it’s ALL athletes! How dare they be good at sports and get the sleep with all the pretty girls!

/sobs into blowup doll

//writes mean article on Bleacher Report

In 2009, he went on a bender that ended with him striking his wife.

Pretty sure she beat him up, pal.

This time around is not as violet, but just as disconcerting.

Violet? As in purple? As in the girl that turned into a blueberry in Willy Wonka? Oh…you mean violeNt. I forgot that proofreading and facts are optional at BR.

Fighting with a cop is one thing you just don't so, especially in Florida. The only thing worse is fighting with a cop in Mexico.

Gabe is bringing the facts, son! By the way, Rodney King called. He says you’re full of sh-t. LAPD be crazy!

This is one story that makes me laugh, it makes me cry, it makes me extremely grateful to be a Dodgers fan.

Me too, asshole. Me, too.  Way to take control of Manny Ramirez out there, BTW.

Alan Babbitt from hollandsentinel.com.

The 27-year-old needs help before he kills himself, or even worse, an innocent bystander or more — let alone waste a promising baseball career.

Does he really look like Lindsay Lohan to you people?

The Tigers are tied to Cabrera because the remaining money in his contract is guaranteed to him under baseball’s collective bargaining agreement. His trade value is diminished for now, and the Tigers cannot cut somone of his immense production without handcuffing their franchise for the remainder of the deal.

“Somone” isn’t a word. Am I the only writer out there that has spell check? 

And anyone that thinks any of the following:

1.  The Tigers would like to get rid of Cabrera.
2.  People wouldn’t be willing to give up a LOT in a trade for Cabrera.
3.  The Tigers would consider cutting Cabrera

Anyone that thinks that should drowned in the closest body of water. F-ckface.

I end with the Rick Reilly of Detroit, Mitch Albom. Is there a more dramatic, insincere SOB on the planet than Albom?

Who swigs a bottle of scotch in front of a police officer? 

Someone that was loaded. As I’ve already covered, people do stupid things without thinking when drunk. Anyone that cannot see this fact is either an infant, mentally challenged, or a Morman.  I thought sportswriters all drank together anyway?

Maybe that's why all of these columns you guys write sound the same.  And suck.


A guy with a problem, that's who. And Miguel Cabrera has a problem.

Yes, he does. He lives in a world of judgemental, know-it-all nitwits that are managing to type into their laptops without getting off of their soapboxes first.

Doesn't matter if he had a reason. Doesn't matter if he says he's sorry. Doesn't matter how the Tigers try to spin this to save him.

Lock him up and throw away the key. Go f-ck yourself, Mitch.

Cabrera has a problem because, police say, he was drinking, resisted arrest and faces a driving under the influence charge.

In your opinion. You are not an expert. Stop.

But most important, because he was out on the road.
And booze and cars are an absolute no-no.
Don't care who you are. No ifs or buts. You cannot mix alcohol and driving.

Agreed. Say it once. Not five times. Quit upping your word count. You should have done that with that piece of sh-t, “Tuesdays With Morrie”, though.  Stupid Oprah...

The last time Cabrera made such news, in October 2009, the Tigers had to pick him up at a police station after a night of drinking and a scuffle with his wife.

Lost in that incident was the fact that he had to get to the places he got to that night, and one can only suspect he did so with alcohol in his system.

I have no proof of this. But I’m Mitch Albom. Smell my smug. My assumptions must be taken as fact. My doo-doo does not stink!

Now comes an event that removes all doubt, an ugly arrest Wednesday night on a Florida roadside, Cabrera allegedly cursing at the cops. Whatever he was doing with alcohol, Cabrera didn't mind doing it on public streets.

You know what that makes him?

A public menace.

/facepalm

If only we could be as perfect as Mitch Albom. The same Albom who crossed picket lines in the 90’s to go back to the freep. The same Albom who was suspended in 2005 for lying in his column. Whatever.

I’m done with this, my friends. These animals are out of control and I’m sick of wasting my time on it. They smell blood and are in a frenzy. Facts do not matter. Expert opinions are for pussies. The man has been sentenced by the American sportswriters without a fair trial.

Don't send me any more articles.  Please.  I can't take it anymore.  I will never believe a written word from an American sportswriter again.

I end my part in this Cabrera scandal with something that I’ve said repeatedly, but want to make clear one more time.

Drinking and driving is horrible and shouldn’t be done by anyone.

Miguel Cabrera may or may not have a problem. Everyone that does something stupid while drinking is not an alcoholic. Even if he does something dumb twice.

Joe Sportswriter is not an expert. Neither am I.

But at least I’m not pretending that I am.

You pricks in the media should be ashamed of yourselves.

F-ck you.

Die.

Miguel, get your sh-t together and give ‘em hell this year. There’s no doubt in my mind that you can do it.

4 comments:

Ed Tigertracks said...

Sorry for calling you "mature"...that must of been hard to read...lmao...
You are hitting the ball hard with these takes of the latest childish drama of some sportswriters...
Leyland may want to have Dave D. give you a tryout...

Ed Tigertracks said...

Leyland talked with Dave about giving you a tryout...he said that "anyone can hit T-ball stuff... even Inge can do that"
Speaking of cr-Inge...he made some good comments to Tom Gage...Gage seems to be about the only media person whom is keeping a good perspective on this...

Jack said...

What kind of world is it where the voice of reason is "DesigNate Robertson?"

Geez, the articles I've seen in the News-Free Press (and read that any way you like) for the most part are dreck, based on speculation.

Kurt said...

Thanks Rogo. Nice job, yourself.