Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Your Guide To DesigNate Robertson
For those of you that have been reading me for a while, as always, I’m grateful for you stopping by and “getting” me and what I’m doing. You guys rule.
For those of you that DON’T know me, well, let me introduce myself. My name is Scott, aka Rogo, aka Your Party Host and I’ll be your demented tour guide for this ridiculous little blog. Let’s try to explain what you’re looking at, shall we? Jump with me to continue...
Baseball blogs are a dime a dozen. They’re everywhere. I’m told that even stupid teams like the White Sox and Twins have them. Seriously. Who the fudge would want to read that crap? Terrorists, I’m thinking.
But I’m a Tigers fan and have been a loyal one since 1985. And as in life, I wanted to be different when it came to writing this blog. There are several Tiger blogs out there, the best of which I know of listed to the right for you to click on. Most are done in a serious way and report the news straight. If that’s what you’re looking for when reading about the Motor City Kitties, then more power to you. Go there. You’re probably in the wrong place. If you have a blog you’d like to see listed over there or know of one that’s not on my radar, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’d be happy to link to it as long as it doesn’t suck.
First and foremost, I’m trying to make you laugh here. Baseball is a fun little game played by grown men that make more money in a week then most of us will see in a year. Why people take the game so damn serious all the time, I’ll never understand. I love the Detroit Tigers, but I love making fun of them even more. I mean, how can you look at Brandon Inge swinging at a curveball and not laugh?
From time to time, I’ll try to make you think outside the box, though. I like to play Devil’s Advocate on occasion as I seem to think a bit differently than many other folks out there. There’s always more than one side to any story out there. Believe it or not, some folks out there think that Don Kelly is a useful ballplayer! It’s true, these people exist.
/shudders at the thought
But in the past, I’ve supported trading Curtis Granderson when most people freaked out. I was furious when the team released Gary Sheffield. I don’t think Alan Trammell belongs in the Hall of Fame, despite him being my 2nd favorite player of all time. Etc. Sometimes it’s fun to read some thoughts that are different than what everyone else is saying. Or maybe I’m just trying to be a dick. You never know.
Real quick, here are some facts about me, if you care. I’m in my early thirties and help run three sports bars in Northwest Ohio/Southeast Michigan. I have a six-year old son that may be the antichrist. My favorite player of all time is Bobby Higginson (shut up), and he’s followed by Trammell, Kirk Gibson, and Magglio Ordonez. Timo Perez is probably my most confusing choice in a Tiger hero. Read about Timo here. Brandon Inge, Clete Thomas, and Don Kelly are probably the most frequent butts of jokes at DNR. Will Rhymes is moving up that list, too. He is known as “Tinkerbell” around these parts.
There are reoccurring themes in my posts, nearly all of them ripped off from somewhere else. I don’t claim to be completely original here, my friends.
“Catfight” is a ripoff of an old bit by ex-ESPN’er Nick Bakay where I put two players against each other in several goofy catagories to see who the better man is. Expect a new one of these in the next week to decide who our second baseman should be while Carlos Guillen continues to heal from his bruised labia or whatever his current ailment is.
“Ripping off FJM Style” is a tribute to the now defunct Fire Joe Morgan site where they would tear apart a baseball article that they thought was stupid. Those are my favorite things to do here, by the way, and frequent targets are Lynn Henning from the Detroit News and Jamie Samuelsen from the Detroit Free Press. I respect these guys, but man…they write some real horsecrap sometimes. This is probably my most popular example, done on a piece by a moron named Josh Katzenstein that was writing for the News for a while. I think he’s dead now.
“Ripping off KSK Style” refers to the brilliant football humor site, Kissing Suzy Kolber. These bits will see me take Tiger players (usually) and have them act out little scenes in an attempt to make you laugh. Do I really think Fu-Te Ni talks like an Asian stereotype? Of course not. Do I really think Kirk Gibson is a foul-mouthed redneck? No, he’s awesome. Is Jeremy Bonderman really a monosyllabic speaking moron? Well…yeah, that one’s true. This one, done after Miguel Cabrera’s drinking incident, is probably my favorite so far.
"Keeping Score" is a running diary of a baseball game where I just type out any dumb thought that comes to mind as I watch the game. Sometimes it's comedy gold. Sometimes it's terrible. Actually that kind of sums up anything you'll probably read here, now that I think about it.
“Tiger Droppings” are done when I have several things to talk about and want to combine them all into one blog post. I tend to do these when I’m having writer’s block. I mean you try to keep coming up with different ways to say Clete Thomas sucks balls, over and over, and try to keep it entertaining. It’s not as easy as you think. Jerk.
Yeah, there’s more, too. You’ll see, I hope. I’m glad to have you reading my stuff and appreciate the support. Just keep in mind, this is all for ENTERTAINMENT purposes only!
I don’t need any more hate mail from Don Kelly’s humorless college buddies. Jeez.
Let’s play some f-cking ball, kids.