Enjoy.
Pitchers
Al Alburquerque: Wrong Turn
Joaquin Benoit: The Phoenix, The Canadian Crippler
Phil Coke: Cokehead, Coke Zero
Charlie Furbush: Brazilian Wax, Sir Charles of Furbush, Musky, Das Wunderbush (PLEASELETHIMMAKETHETEAMSOMEHOWPLEASE)
Brad Penny: Smells Like Milano, New Bondo
Ryan Perry: Sleeves
Rick Porcello: Kid Rick, FredFred (Trademark-Samara)
Max Scherzer: Mad Max, Thunderdome, Left-Eye
Daniel Schlereth: Stink Jr.
Jacob Turner: Ike, The Chosen One
Jose Valverde: Papa Grande, Big Potato, Fatty
Justin Verlander: JV, Justin Credible, Justin Abortion (April only)
Robbie Weinhardt: Dr. Swineheart
Joel Zumaya: Zoom, Glass Joel, Mrs. Henning
Catchers
Alex Avila: Little Al, Captain Nepotism, Beardface (That’s Beard Fasay, Dammit!)
Patrick Leyland: We Really Wasted an 8th Round Pick on Jim’s Kid?
Victor Martinez: VMart
Max St. Pierre: Crash Davis, Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey, Pepe le Pew
Infield
Miguel Cabrera: Big Mig, Seňor Ding Dong, Spanish Mike, Tipsy McStagger, Surly Duff
Carlos Guillen: Carlito, Mr. Glass
Brandon Inge: Binge, Special Little Guy, Saint Brandon, “Oh Sh-t Brandon’s Up”
Jhonny Peralta: Lhong Jhon, JP
Will Rhymes: Tinkerbell, Scrappy Don’t, ‘Lil Will, Eckstein Jr, Oompa Loompa, Keebler Elf
Ramon Santiago: Little Ramon, Razor Ramon
Scott Sizemore: Sizematters, Scotty Size
Danny Worth: Worthless
Outfield
Brennan Boesch: Matt Joyce 2.0, Dubba B, Killer B
Austin Jackson: AJax, Action Jackson, Curtis Who?
Don Kelly: Bane of My Existence, I Hate Don Kelly
Magglio Ordonez: Maggs, Mr. Cosey
Ryan Raburn: Ryno, Stonehands
Clete Thomas: Cletus, Your Lord and Savior, Captain Redneck
Casper Wells: Pedophile Eyes, Ghost
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That’s all I’ve got right now. Is it friggin’ Opening Day yet? Sigh…
12 comments:
Scrubs quote! F*ck yeah! Das Wunderbush is by far my favorite.
What, no Miquel post?
Or do Drunkin, rageaholic 300 pound MVP Tiger First Baseman who blow up BBQ restaurants and threaten Game Wardens with imaginary guns not inspire you? Na, I'll make fun of him when he does something unusual and doesen't show up to camp in "the shape of his life" to quote Jimmy. He and Dombroski spent the winter beating off to Cabrera's rookie card. If we could trade the 3 of them for a couple of slices of Ted Williams frozen man sack I'd make the deal.
Tinkerbell is my personal favorite. It just suits him so well.
Ok here is what I thought of.
Austin Jackson, Special K
Carlos Guillen, Don Juan disabled
Brandon Inge, The little ingine who couldn't (hit)
Jhonny Peralta, My mom was drunk and couldn't spell Johnny
No love for Will "Mad" Ryhmes?
I know it is crass, but I have always liked Clete-toris for Clete Thomas and I look for a little Clete-toral stimualtion when he comes to the plate.
To Anon poster who talked about Cabrera, you only want Ted Williams man sack so you can gave one, since you obviously lack one.
Go f-ck yourself.
My favorite was "Eckstein Jr." for Rhymes.. he really is David Eckstein-lite.
You forgot one: Don Kelly: "Donk B-Donk", or just plain "Donk"
Funny names, most of 'em but the only worthless Tiger was you!
Canadian Crippler for Benoit?
Well, if he puts someone in the Crippler Crossface during a brawl, I'm cool with it.
How about Brandon 3 Inger (thats what his wife said!)
Brennan 'Boom' Boesch
Phil Coke Dealer
Casper Wells and Fargo or Wells Bells
Danny Worthers Orginal
Or a throwback from a few years ago....
Pack up your Grilli and Monroe your ass out of town!
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