Sunday, May 29, 2011

Multiple Reactions on the Sizemore/Purcey Deal

After letting myself calm down for a while, I still don’t like the trade of Scott Sizemore to Oakland for David Purcey. I’m sure you all have your opinions, too. Perhaps the best reaction I’ve seen has come from Big Al over at BYB. Great stuff there. But we still haven’t heard from so many of the famous great minds out there. Who has the grapefruits to pick the brains of these geniuses?

/points at self

This guy, bitches. DNR has gone to the experts for their opinion. Did Dave Dombrowski do well in this deal? Will David Purcey drop his career ERA under 5.00 as a Tiger? Has Will Rhymes stopped sobbing into his tiny hands after the promotion of Danny Worth? Will Ryan Raburn still wear an iron skillet on his left hand while playing second base? Has ANYONE thought of the children?

Just follow after the jump for weak attempts at humor.



RANDY SMITH: One of the best deals I’ve ever seen. It would have been better if Brad Ausmus were somehow involved, though.
RICHARD BERNSTEIN: Even I can see that this is a horrible trade. 

/knocks over lamp
EAT ‘EM UP TIGERS GUY: Eat ‘em up Tigers, eat ‘em up! Eat ‘em up Tigers, eat ‘em up!
FSD GIRL LAUREN: What? Sonofabitch! Well, he’s still paying for the abortion! Um, where’s Oakland again? Is it in Florida? Hee hee…
JEREMY BONDERMAN: (drool runs down chin) IF I MAKE BOOM BOOM IN THE BIG BOY POTTY, I GET ICE CREAM. YAAAAAAY, ICE CREAM!
JUSTIN VERLANDER: …fuck.

/begins sharpening knives
ROD ALLEN: (repeating words spoken through his earpiece) This is a good deal for both teams. Scott Sizemore wasn’t hitting well and perhaps a change of scenery is what he needs to get over the hump. David Purcey is a BIG BOY! He’s sure to bring some quality stuff to the Tigers’ bullpen. David Dombrowski has really outdone himself here.
STUART SCOTT: Scott Sizemore? David Purcey? Never heard of ‘em. Meanwhile the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees are HEATING UP in their race to win the AL East. Speaking of HEATING UP, Lebron James is ready for the Mavs!  Also, Brett Favre, Brett Favre, Brett Favre!  Booyah!

/knocks over lamp
FU-TE NI: This is burrshit! I no undelstand why Domblowski tlade Sizemole fol anothel refty. Pulsey, I sule is nice pitchel, but Tigels have too many reftys as is. Who must I brow to get my lerease flom this burrshit flanchise?
BILLY BEANE: Ahhhh, hahahahahahahahahaha! BWAAAAA, hahahahahahahaha!

3 comments:

Blake VandeBunte said...

The only thing you forgot in the Rod Allen part was stuff like, "David Purcey looked good in an Oakland Athletics uniform and the hope is that the trend will continue once he is in a Detroit Uniform.  Scott Sizmore just couldn't get it together in a Tigers uniform and a change of uniform is just what he needs.  Uniform."
 

motorcitykitty said...

Good Gawd I would take a case of PBR and a rosin bag if it means that the Tigers get rid of Sucky Mc Suckerton...er, Raburn.  Skillet on his hand is right, the other hand is stuck in a bowling ball...

Poolagoo said...

Fantastic