Thursday, October 6, 2011

TBS: Very Funny

BRIAN ANDERSON: Hello fans, and welcome to TBS’ coverage of the American League Divisional Series featuring the TWENTY-SEVEN TIME World Champion New York Yankees…and yup.

RON DARLING: Yes, the Yankees have shown the world EXACTLY WHY they are America’s team and the favorites to take home the trophy again this year.

ANDERSON: The Bombers are led by the man, the legend, the CAPTAIN, Derek Jeter. Jeter’s leadership has been evident throughout this entire series as he has single-handedly guided the Yankees one step closer toward the title. Rumor has it, he's been the main reason behind Curtis Granderson's improvements in center field this year. I'm told Granderson had never even played the position before arriving in New York.

DARLING: Indeed. Even when Jeter gives the opponent false hope by purposely striking out or hitting a weak grounder to short, his grittiness and the all-around intangibles that can’t be explained help to propel his teammates to victory.

ANDERSON: Taking the mound tonight is the unquestioned Rookie of the Year favorite Ivan Nova. He looked unstoppable in Game One when he was thrust into the spotlight after the game had earlier been halted by rain.

DARLING: Again, you have to credit Jeter on this. I have no knowledge of any of this happening, but you know The Captain must have given young Nova quite the speech to help him look like Cy Young out there earlier this week.

ANDERSON: And how about that Pudge Alex Rodriguez? His bat finally came around in Game Four after, no doubt, a Jeter pep-talk, and he looks to be the A-Rod of old, doesn’t he?

DARLING: You know it. I expect Rodriguez to hit at least three homers tonight, all inspired by the greatness of Derek Jeter, the ultimate teammate.

ANDERSON: I’ve been handed a note saying that we should mention the Yankees’ opponents tonight. Ron, how do you see the Detroit, um, Lions (?) matching up?

DARLING: You have to feel for these unknowns, led by slugger Melky Cabrera, who killed a busload of nuns in the offseason with a blood-alcohol content of .88. Hopefully, they all at least have a chance to meet Derek Jeter and have a story to tell their grandkids one day.

ANDERSON: It should be fun to watch before the Yanks get ready to sweep the Dallas Rangers in the next round. So, sit back, and don’t touch that dial, fans. John, do you have anything to add?

JOHN SMOLTZ: Sigh. No.

ANDERSON: It's Yankees-Pistons NEXT! Only on TBS.

1 comment:

Chris Hannum said...

It's weird, but the national guys seem to be just as Pro-Texas as any were ever Pro-New York.  Jeter is a probably hall of famer, so kind of get the toadying - but on Fox they just can't stop gushing about middle relievers...  Wha?  And it's a big, old Holland love-fest as Holland gets knocked out in the third.