On the other side of the coin, everyone in Tigerland seems to be in love with Brennan Boesch. I’ve seen people flip out at even the mention of trading him. But why? He has yet to do anything in a second half of a baseball season. He is a defensive liability of his own. He has awful plate discipline. And he hasn’t showered in at least three years.
So why does Boesch get a pass from the Tiger faithful while Raburn gets all their mLove and scorn?
Who can say, for sure…I mean, this is the same fanbase that overlooked Brandon Inge’s lack of offensive skill for over a decade. And it’s the same group that keeps telling me that Don Kelly is a productive Major Leaguer.
As always, I have the answer on telling who exactly is the better player using my EXTENSIVE scientific formula that I refer to as “Catfight”. So sit back and enjoy the battle of Boesch versus
Ryan Neil Raburn, Age 30, from Tampa, Florida.
1. Overall Stats (Last Two Years since that’s all BB has)
Boesch: 248 games, .269 Avg, 30 HR, 121 RBI, 2.5 WAR
Raburn: 234 games, .268 Avg, 29 HR, 111 RBI, 2.8 WAR
Advantage: Push. You can’t get much closer than that.
2. Career First Half Numbers
Boesch: 149 games, .321, 24, 93
Raburn: 223 games, .228, 20, 82
Advantage: Boesch. Obviously.
3. Career Second Half Numbers
Boesch: 99 games, .182, 6, 28
Raburn: 277 games, .300, 33, 122
Advantage: Raburn. By a mile.
Boesch: Sweaty Meathead.
Raburn: Hilljack with tongue hanging out.
Advantage: Push. There are no winners here.
5. Most likely to talk to you about:
Raburn: Country Music.
Advantage: Push. Either way you end up dumber.
Boesch: Plays like a puppy whose paws are too big for his body.
Raburn: Plays like the baseball is covered in AIDS.
Advantage: Raburn. Sorry, kids, he’s actually better than Boesch in the outfield, despite what you may hear from folks. As for infield…yikes. We might as well put a mannequin out there.
Boesch: His best is probably yet to come.
Raburn: Thinks “Potential” might be a Hank Williams Jr. song.
8. Likelihood of Calling Me “Bro” or “Brah” If We Ever Meet
9. Likelihood of Calling Me “Hoss” or “Y’all” If We Ever Meet
Raburn: 108% (probably multiple times)
10. Noted Nose Picker?
Advantage: Ryno. It’s all in not getting caught. Ask Tiger Woods. Or Kobe.
So by my INDESPUTABLE PROOF, you all owe Ryan Raburn a gigantic apology, as he is the winner 4-3 (3 ties) over Brennan Boesch.
But can’t we just reach a compromise and start Boesch from April to mid-July and Raburn from mid-July-October? Makes sense to me. I don’t know why Leyland and Company make everything so difficult…