Thursday, May 10, 2012

Know Thy Enemy: 2012 Oakland Athletics


When I was a kid in the late 80’s and early 90’s, I didn’t have much to cheer for when it came to my Detroit Facepalms. But out in Oakland, something special was happening and I couldn’t help but get swept up in it. The A’s of back then became my second team as I was captivated by Dave Stewart, Dennis Eckersley, Rickey and Dave Henderson, Carney Lansford, Mark McGwire, Terry Steinbach, and my favorite, Jose Canseco.

Twenty plus years later and Canseco and the A’s themselves are punchlines. They were eager to sign Brandon Inge for crissakes. With the Tigers struggling, hopefully the Athletics are just what the doctor ordered in getting Detroit back on track.

FACE OF THE FRANCHISE
Billy Beane

Ask your average baseball fan to name three Oakland A’s players. They probably can’t do it. I consider myself a baseball nerd and without looking could only come up with eight (Colon, Balfour, Fuentes, McCarthy, Inge, Sizemore, Cespedes, Crisp). But everyone knows who General Manager Billy Beane is thanks to Moneyball.

-23rd pick of the 1980 MLB Draft by the New York Mets

-Played for Mets, Twins, Tigers, and A’s between 1984 and 1989

-Took over as A’s GM in October of 1997

-Did not write “Moneyball”, despite what noted idiot Joe Morgan thinks

-Looks nothing like Brad Pitt

-In February, had contract extended through 2019

TEAM STRENGTH

Finding bargains or getting lucky (like with Zito/Mulder/Hudson), depending on who you ask.

OLD FRIENDS

-Beane

-Manager Bob Melvin was a Tiger in 1985

-Special Assistant Chris Pittaro, also in 1985

-Scott Sizemore (Disabled List)

-Some third baseman guy…what’s his name? Oh yeah…

WORST ENEMY
Brandon Inge

I really wanted to go with Kila Ka’aihue due to his power and Rod Allen’s inability to pronounce his name, but let’s be real. To the majority of Tiger fans, Brandon Inge is the enemy on the Athletics. They booed him out of Detroit and here he is, like the cut that wouldn't heal. He made big news with his walkoff grand slam for Oakland, but since joining them is only hitting .219 with 2 homers. Hell, we'd kill for that at second base, wouldn't we?

While never an Inge fan, I wish him well. Just not in this series. Because if he does something crazy like hit another walkoff, I’m going to commit a homicide. And it might not turn out to be an anonymous prostitute this time.

FANBASE

-MC Hammer

-Hammer's hoes
 
-Tom Hanks (was an A’s soda vendor at the age of 14)

-Raiders fans that got lost

-Kurt Mensching

-Anyone that got rich at BALCO

OVERALL

The A’s are terrible and their best hitter, Cespedes, is hurt. Bartolo Colon and Brandon McCarthy are their two best pitchers. Neither would be able to crack the Tigers rotation. If the Tigers aren’t able to take three out of four this series, a sacrifice needs to be made to appease the Baseball Gods that seem to hate Detroit so much this year.

As always, I suggest Don Kelly for the job.

6 comments:

Jeff S said...

"As always, I suggest Don Kelly for the job."

You're a beauty, Rogo.

Jay Hathaway said...

I loved that 90s A's team, too.  Dave Stewart was a beast.

rea said...

Back in '88, when the Tigers had both Billy Beane and Billy Bean . . .

H2OPoloPunk said...

Inge hit another grand slam last night. What the hell is this world coming to?

Derek Schwanger said...

 Love Eurythmics.

Jay Hathaway said...

 Haha, I'm actually old enough to get that reference.